Mar 30, 2013

B is for Boys

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I grew up in a family of seven kids. There were six boys, and then there was me. I thought I knew all there was to know about surviving with boys. However, after I became a mom, I realized there is a difference between having six older brothers who were mostly raised by the time I was fully aware of my surroundings (they were from 5 to 14 years older than me) and being a mom to little boys. I am continuously taken by surprise at how differently boys think and act.
The best description I have heard of small boys is this: A boy is a noise with dirt on it.
Just to give you a peek into the world of life with two small boys and just how much fun it can be, here are some of my Facebook statuses from over the years.
Communication between a mother and her son can be a difficult thing:

Me: Why are you running through the house naked?
Boy Child: Because I don't have any clothes on!
~~~
Me: Daniel, did you take the sheet off your bed?
Daniel: No.
looooong pause...
Me: Then could you do that right now, please?
The male mind just can not pick up the nuances of female language...
~~~
So, tell me, exactly how do you "lose" your spoon in your pjs? No, wait, never mind, I don't really want to know. The saying, "Ignorance is bliss" was obviously coined by the mother of small boys.
~~~
"Goodnight, noble knight," I say. "Well," he replies, "I'm really more like a caveman."
~~~

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Boys and bugs seem to go hand in hand.

Nate: "So I guess that roly polies do NOT survive in water." Oh, what a miserable fate for a bug to fall into the hands of two small boys!
~~~
A small boy just brought me a caterpillar to look at. He (the boy, not the caterpillar) was crooning, "It's so cute!"
~~~
Little known drawback to wearing a cast on your arm... the roly poly bug you are playing with can crawl inside and you have no way of evicting him.
~~~
Nate says, "Kaytie, you know what? Mom would KILL me if I ever started a bug zoo in the house. And that... would not be good!"
~~~

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Boys have a unique way of looking at the world:

Daniel: I wore those underwear for SEVEN DAYS!!!
Nate: I wore these underwear for TWELVE DAYS!!!
And while I can personally guarantee that both of those boasts are totally untrue and unfounded, I am still left wondering... why are they boasts at all? Is lack of personal hygiene really something to brag about? Really? Boys are incomprehensible.
~~~
Nate appeared in the kitchen scantily clad and announced, "Well, now you don't have to IMAGINE me in my underwear." Sadly, he was very correct. There was nothing left to the imagination.
~~~
Nate thinks it's weird that his pants smell like beef jerky. I think it's weirder that he knows that... because, logically, there is only one way for him to know what his pants smell like... and it's the weirdest thing in the world to sniff your pants.
~~~
Daniel and Abbie were having a tea party. Daniel snatched up his cup and plate and pretended to inhale his food, very noisily. Then laughed a wild, maniacal, little boy laugh. Abbie looked at him pityingly. "Daniel doesn't know how to eat like a princess."
I laughed, "Does Daniel need princess lessons?"
                                              "Yes!" Said Abbie.
"No." Said Daniel, "I'm going to stay a boy."
~~~
Daniel told Abbie, "I will love you forever and ever and ever. Until the world explodes." 
Do you think he has a job with Hallmark?
~~~

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Boys are born dangerous:

Nate has a small hole in his lip and some skin missing on his face. Now he knows that when it comes to a fight between him and the couch, the couch will win. He said that he learned, and I quote, "Don't practice skateboarding tricks on the couch."
~~~
Basketball? nah! Baseball? No thanks. Football? Too boring...
Nope, Nate's sport of choice is knifethrowing!
And Mommy said, "Not on your life, Buddy!"
~~~
What exactly has to go on in your head to make you leap (yes LEAP) onto a table and crouch there, menacingly? And feel offended when your mother makes you get back down?
~~~
Ahhh! The sound of two boys laughing together in the bathtub...
Does any other sound strike more dread in a mother's heart?
~~~
Daniel: Ok, whoever is afraid of colossal squid, don't come with me!
~~~
Nate: I know spider moves, Ninja moves AND Karate moves!
Me: Spiders have moves???
Nate: Well, yah! Spider is a kind of a thing that I just made up.
Me: Whew! I was afraid I might have to develop arachnophobia there for a minute.
~~~
Daniel: Let's go 100 miles an hour!!!
Nate: Well, TECHNICALLY, that's speeding.
Technically? Technically?
~~~

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Boys don't like romantic, mushy stuff:

The girls beg Daniel, "We need a prince for our play. Please be our prince? Please?"
Daniel replies, "Well, ok, but no. kissing. You understand? There will be NO KISSING!!!"
~~~
Nate: I'm going to get married early.
Kaytie: (tauntingly) So you can get KISSED early???
Nate: Yes, I want to go ahead and get it over with.
~~~
My newest brainwashing strategy... completely convince Daniel that Mommy kisses make little boys grow big and strong very quickly.
~~~

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But, when it comes down to it, little boys love their mamas in their own sweet way.

Nate, watching me finish readying supper, said, "That looks good. And it might even taste good!" It's nice to have such confidence in my cooking skills!
~~~
You know you are doing something right as a mom when your five year old son tells you, "Mom, I love you more than I love the tarantula on tv."

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This post is linked up with Blogging Through The Alphabet at Ben and Me.


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2 comments:

Erika said...

This is ADORABLE! As a mom of 3 boys, I was laughing out loud many times. :D Love it!

KarenHSlifesituations said...

Great post. Boys are so much fun.

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